Embarking on the journey of sobriety is often heralded as a path to greater health, clarity, and fulfillment. Yet, many people find themselves dealing with sadness and feelings of depression after quitting alcohol. In this post, I discuss how giving up alcohol can trigger such emotional upheaval and how to manage difficult emotions after quitting alcohol.
Navigating sadness and depression after giving up alcohol can be a challenging yet essential part of the journey toward healing. It’s an opportunity to confront and process the underlying emotions and traumas that may have contributed to our reliance on alcohol in the first place.
The promise of sobriety
When I made the decision to stop drinking, I did so in the hope of creating a better life for myself. There were numerous reasons, but the biggest of all was the effect that alcohol has on my mental health.
For as long as I can remember I have been plagued with anxiety, living my life in a cycle of rumination and worry. It took me years of heavy drinking to realise the effects of alcohol and how it only made my symptoms worse.
I would often suffer from post-drinking anxiety. There were many times that I felt so worried that I couldn’t leave the house.
I also wanted to be fully present in my son’s life and have more meaningful relationships. Envisaging a future where I would feel more focused, happier and purposeful.
I knew that quitting after years of heavy alcohol use wasn’t going to be easy. Drinking was something I really enjoyed (just not the after effects)! I loved nothing more than a glass of wine in the evenings and also the social aspect that alcohol gave me.
I knew there would be times I would feel tempted, and that would have feelings of missing out, but I wasn’t expecting the negative, sad feelings that resulted from abstaining.
The reality of emotional upheaval
The reality of sobriety has often been quite different to the expectation. Sure, there are a tonne of benefits, but I can often feel confronted with a flood of negative feelings and painful memories that I think were probably suppressed for years.
I can see now that I used alcohol as a coping mechanism. Sticking plasters over the things that made me stressed or upset. Without it these emotions seem to be resurfacing and I can often find myself going over past experiences. Replaying embarrassing situations I got into whilst drunk. Or thinking back to things that happened when I was really young. Things I had forgotten about.
I’ve now realised that whenever I was stressed, sad, angry, or feeling any kind of challenging feelings in my daily life, I would block it out by drinking. Uncomfortable with facing fears or sitting with any negative emotions.
Being aware, instead of trying to escape, is helping me to identify patterns and triggers, and the underlying issues which contribute to my emotional experiences.
The goal is achieve emotional sobriety and be able to accept these emotions, rather than mask them.
It can be tough to feel these emotions and not know how to stop them. The old me would have at least paused the negative emotions with alcohol, in the hope that I’d feel better the next day. Now I don’t have that option and have to work out what’s going on in my head without resorting to avoidance or numbing behaviours.
Like a lot of people, I would often drink to escape from reality. I used to hate it when I would sober up and negative thoughts would return. I would carry on to block them out, running away from real life.
What is emotional sobriety?
If you find yourself feeling sad since quitting alcohol then you are not alone. It is extremely common to feel this way in early recovery. It is important to acknowledge these thoughts and emotions.
Emotional sobriety is all about acceptance, and giving yourself permission to feel whatever your body wants to feel.
Emotional sobriety refers to a state of psychological and emotional well-being achieved through the practice of recovery and developing your own awareness of emotions. The ones that were usually ignored whilst drinking alcohol or using drugs.
It’s an opportunity to confront and process the underlying emotions and traumas that may have contributed to our reliance on alcohol in the first place.
It involves building healthy relationships, finding meaning and purpose, and learning to cope with life’s challenges in a healthy way.
Sober but feeling disconnected
One of the main things I find after giving up alcohol is the sense of disconnection it can bring. Suddenly, social gatherings and outings that once revolved around drinks no longer hold the same allure as they used to. I used to like nothing more than sitting in a pub with my friends, drinking and catching up – my favourite pastime!
When I go out I can feel out of place with those who still embrace alcohol as part of their social lives. It’s a weird feeling, like standing on the sidelines of a world I used to inhabit with ease. I wonder if I’ll lose my friends and favourite activities. Sometimes I’m scared that I’ll never really have fun or let loose again without alcohol.
Alcohol was such a huge part of my life and a way of connecting with people that the void it leaves behind can make me feel incredibly lonely at times.
During these times I wonder whether it would be easier to not abstain completely, to just moderate my intake. Although I know that is it not beneficial to my health in the long term.
How do I define myself?
Beyond the social aspect, giving up alcohol also makes me question my identity and purpose. Drinking was not just a pastime but a defining characteristic, a marker of who I was and how I spent my free time.
Typing that out actually makes me realise how sad that is, that my whole life revolved around going out boozing but it was what all my friends were all doing at the time. We were young, enjoying ourselves and drinking was normalised.
Without it, I have started questioning a lot of things about myself – who exactly am I? What do I like doing? What brings me enjoyment?
It feels as though I have to start all over again in some ways. I need to figure out who I really am.
Feeling bored in sobriety
It’s easy to feel some depressive symptoms when you’ve stopped drinking as you can struggle with feelings of boredom.
Whether you were someone who would drink too much alcohol to wind down at the end of a hard day, or you suffered from an alcohol addiction, your life can feel very different when you quit drinking. Drinking took up a big part of your life so without it it you may find yourself bored and restless.
Exercise can have a profound effect on mental health and it’s very common for people to throw themselves into a new exercise regime.
I’ve always loved running and find exercise more important than ever. Not just for my physical health but mental health as it has been a way for me to destress and it always improves my overall mood.
Yoga has become a new favourite of mine, making me feel calm and rested every time. Research has shown that yoga can help depression by reducing inflammation and stress, therefore reducing cortisol.
Without the haze of alcohol clouding your judgment, you have the chance to rediscover the activities and pursuits that bring you genuine joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s pursuing something creative, exploring new hobbies, or reconnecting with old passions, being sober gives you the chance (and time!) to find out what you like doing.
Your brain chemistry is rebooting
Another reason you can feel down after quitting alcohol is because its dependence causes brain pathways to become altered. Your brain is going through a series of chemical changes due to the brain’s dependency on dopamine released by an alcohol addiction.
While drinking initially boosts a person’s dopamine levels, the brain adapts to the dopamine overload with continued alcohol use. Alcohol affects the brain by producing less of the neurotransmitter, reducing the number of dopamine receptors in the body and increasing dopamine transporters, which carry away the excess dopamine.
It can also be another reason why many people (including myself) find themselves craving sugar more than usual once they have stopped drinking. It can be the result of boredom and also craving a dopamine fix.
Alcohol and sugar have similar effects on the brain and both trigger the release of dopamine. This results in replacing one addiction with another.
How to manage negative and challenging emotions
Try to remember the reason why you quit alcohol in the first place when the feelings of sadness hit.
It might be that you had an alcohol addiction, and had to stop your alcohol consumption for physical or mental health . Or like me, it caused a such a low mood and anxiety the next day, that I knew I couldn’t carry on anymore.
Think of all of the benefits that abstaining from alcohol gives you. The mental clarity, waking up every day knowing what you did the day before. Sleeping better. Healthier skin and weight loss. The list goes on and on.
Reach out for emotional support
Talking about your feelings with others who understand and empathise with your journey can provide validation and comfort.
I find it helpful to talk to another friend who has also quit alcohol. It gives me comfort to speak about things that we did in the past, things that I might be now struggling with or find embarrassing. She gives me the perspective that I need.
Be gentle with yourself during this challenging time. Understand that it’s okay to feel sad, lonely, or depressed after giving up alcohol.
Prioritise self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. This could include exercise, meditation, spending time in nature, journaling, or indulging in hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Explore therapy or counselling
Consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specialises in treatment programmes in addiction recovery and mental health.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy can be really beneficial for navigating feelings and emotions after giving up alcohol. It can provide valuable tools and strategies for processing difficult emotions, healing from past traumas. It can also help you develop healthy ways to manage difficult emotions without resorting to alcohol use.
Connect with sober communities
Surround yourself with supportive communities of individuals who are also navigating the journey of sobriety. Whether it’s through sober meetups, support groups, or online forums, connecting with others who share similar experiences can offer validation, solidarity, and a sense of belonging.
It’s important to remember that you are not alone on this journey. Reach out for support, be patient with yourself, and trust that with time, self-reflection, and self-care, you will come out the other side feeling more happy and content than ever.
