Do you find yourself unable to stop dwelling on negative thoughts, replaying scenarios in your mind over and over again? If so, you’re not alone. Many of us experience this mental pattern known as rumination, myself included. Find out the best ways to stop ruminating and break free from it’s grip.
Living with anxiety
I tend to overreact and blow things out of proportion, focusing on negative, intrusive thoughts. I become immobilised by the smallest of things, going over past mistakes that I have made.
Once I have those obsessive thoughts in my head, I often dwell on the worst-case scenario and I can’t let it go and I fall into a downward spiral of negative thoughts. I find it hard to focus on anything else and it causes a lot of stress and anxiety. I end up feeling overwhelmed and unable to do anything.
Ever since I was a young child I have been plagued with anxiety, dwelling on the worst case scenario. I can remember worrying about my parents receiving my school report when I was younger, months ahead of the event. I would fall into a cycle of compulsive obsessive disorder, telling myself that if I did things in a certain way, in certain sequences, counted things in a certain way then my report would be good.
I would have constant ruminative thoughts in my head, unable to shake them off, worrying about things I had said, things I was embarrassed about.
I know that worrying is a wasted effort because it doesn’t change the outcome, but it’s something that I just don’t seem to be able to stop. I waste ridiculous amounts of time worrying about things that don’t happen 99% of the time.
I’m determined to change that though and I’m learning to be more mindful and grateful for the present moment. I’m learning to accept that life will happen no matter what I do and that worrying won’t change it. I’m learning to focus on what I can do to make the best of the current situation. It is difficult though and I have to try and be conscious about my patterns of thinking and try to stop replaying negative events in my mind.
I have sought professional support in the past at various times to discuss my anxiety and constant rumination cycle. It has helped to a degree and I’ve always found it helpful to talk to someone.
My son, who is still very young, is showing similar behaviour – worrying about the ‘what ifs‘ and can get stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts. He worries about the smallest things, over and over again – things that most probably won’t happen. He can spend hours worrying about past events or a small incident that happened earlier on in the day.
I try my best to reassure him, tell him that he shouldn’t worry, that most people’s fears never materialise, but I know how he’s feeling and sometimes I feel a hypocrite for telling him this when i do exactly the same thing. I don’t want him to be like me and live a life full of worry and self-doubt.
What is rumination?
Rumination involves a cycle of negative thinking about a certain topic or situation, analysing it for long periods of time. When you overthink, you have a hard time getting your mind to focus on anything else. It becomes consumed by the one thing you are thinking about.
It is like a mental treadmill that keeps us stuck the same place, endlessly rehashing the same problem over and over again. It involves repetitive thinking or dwelling on negative feelings, without making progress towards solutions or closure.
It could be that you can’t stop thinking about a problem or something that is worrying you, or you might be replaying a situation or experience in your mind continuously.
Symptoms of rumination
Common symptoms of rumination are focusing on negative thoughts and thinking of the worst case scenarios. These negative thoughts can be repetitive and spiral, and one thought can lead to another. These thoughts are mainly fixated on things that are out of your control, things that can’t be changed. They can also be focused on negative emotions such as regret, guilt, shame or sadness and cause great emotional distress.
When I used to drink a lot and have regular blackouts from drinking too much, I could spend days overthinking what might have happened, repeating the same negative thoughts. The worry eating me up inside.
Self-criticism is another common symptom. Negative thoughts can turn into self-blame for past actions or shortcomings, engaging in negative self-talk, focusing on perceived failures or inadequacies..
Why do we ruminate?
Understanding why people ruminate can shed light on this counterproductive behavior. Several factors can contribute:
- Problem-solving mode: At its core, rumination often stems from a desire to solve problems or gain insight into one’s emotions. However, instead of leading to solutions, it tends to amplify negative emotions and reinforce feelings of helplessness.
- Avoidance of uncertainty: Uncertainty and ambiguity can be uncomfortable for many people. Rumination may serve as a misguided attempt to gain certainty or control over uncertain situations, even though it rarely provides the desired clarity.
- Emotional avoidance: Sometimes, rumination functions as a way to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotions head-on. By keeping our minds preoccupied with repetitive thoughts, we may temporarily distract ourselves from facing deeper emotional issues.
- Perceived threat: When faced with perceived threats or challenges, our minds have a tendency to fixate on them in an attempt to find a resolution. However, this hyperfocus can escalate into rumination when solutions are elusive or when the perceived threat persists.
How to stop ruminating thoughts
The good news is that rumination is a habit—a mental pattern—that can be changed with practice and persistence. Starting with small steps you can make some positive changes to increase your mental well-being.
Here are some strategies to help you break free from the cycle of rumination:
Mindfulness and self-compassion: Try to free yourself from the incessant chatter in your mind by stepping back and viewing objectively. The mental dialogue going on inside your head never stops and if you watch it objectively you will see that a lot of what it says is meaningless. It narrates the world for you. The dialogue can create problems that aren’t there.
How many times has that voice been wrong and the awful thing that you thought would happen never materialises? Pair this with being kind and understanding toward yourself, especially when facing difficulties.
Live in the present moment: Practice mindfulness techniques to cultivate present-moment awareness and observe your thoughts without judgment. Living in the present moment is the ability to be fully aware of our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and surroundings without judgment.
“Life is what’s happening while we’re busy making other plans”
john lennon
Rewire thought patterns with positive affirmations: Positive affirmations can be a powerful tool for calming overactive minds and reducing the negative cycle of rumination.
Engage in a distracting activity: Redirect your focus by engaging in activities that absorb your attention and bring you joy or fulfillment. Whether it’s pursuing a hobby, exercising, or spending time with loved ones and family members, finding enjoyable distractions in your daily life can help break the cycle of rumination.
Challenge the negative thought cycle: Practice cognitive restructuring techniques to gain a different perspective on your negative thought patterns. Ask yourself if there’s evidence supporting your overthinking, or if you’re catastrophising or engaging in black-and-white thinking.
Engage in deep breathing exercises and relaxation techniques:
- Diaphragmatic Breathing: Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. Inhale deeply through your nose, allowing your abdomen to rise as you fill your lungs with air. Exhale slowly through your mouth, letting your abdomen fall. Repeat for several minutes, focusing on the sensation of your breath.
- 4-7-8 Breathing: Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of seven. Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of eight. Repeat this cycle several times, allowing your body to relax with each breath.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Start by tensing a muscle group, such as your fists or shoulders, for 5-10 seconds. Then, release the tension while focusing on the sensation of relaxation in the muscles. Move systematically through different muscle groups in your body, from your feet to your head, tensing and releasing each one.
Be aware of the snowball effect of your thinking: Try to be aware of how quickly negative rumination can spiral out of control. I know that once I get a negative thought in my head it’s hard to get out of it’s grip. One thought leads to another and I become more and more agitated. It’s easier said than done, but the sooner you catch yourself doing this the easier it is to stop.
Breaking free and moving forwards
Breaking free from rumination isn’t easy, and it may take time and effort to develop healthier thought patterns. Through mindfulness practices, cognitive behavioral therapy, and seeking support from trusted individuals or professional help, you can work towards finding the underlying causes and embrace a more fulfilling way of engaging with your thoughts and emotions.
